If I could have traded our love for her life, I would. I would rather her be alive than mine. But considering I cannot change that, no, I would not lose my memory of her. We only have those we left behind to keep the memory of us alive, without me she's gone too. I carry her with me. Just as Clarke carries me with her, since I died in her arms.
[ In many ways that still hangs over them. There's love there that no one else can feel and understand, something the two of them only understand in its complexity, but time has passed. And yet. She is still Clarke's. They have never parted in spirit. ]
Of course I love my people, I belong to them. Not everyone understands that to be Heda is to serve, not only to command. When I ascended, the past Hedas, Commanders, were literally placed into my mind. All their memory, all their experience. I am more than me, I am them, and their devotion too.
[ No one outside of the others from her world know this much. There was some general talk about ascension in the dream they shared, but this is specific. The Flame is in her body, attached to her brain. This is sacred knowledge that she is sharing with Castiel, which makes her uneasy, but she trusts him. And Lexa does not trust often. ]
I commune with them in meditation and they haven't liked what happened. They worry that I will forget my purpose, that I will choose sentiment over duty. They've already felt like I was straying by being here with Clarke and starting to care for some of you.
[ So it's distressing to be in her mind at the moment. It isn't just these memories she's combating, but the opinions of past Commanders. Not all of them are against it, but it's still a process. What used to calm her, meditating with them, now only makes her anxious. ]
Do you ever miss how it was before? When the lines were more clear, when the world was simpler but made more sense? Before Clarke and her people landed on our ground, we were starting a lasting peace. We were in the best condition we've ever been, and I had such clarity.
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[ In many ways that still hangs over them. There's love there that no one else can feel and understand, something the two of them only understand in its complexity, but time has passed. And yet. She is still Clarke's. They have never parted in spirit. ]
Of course I love my people, I belong to them. Not everyone understands that to be Heda is to serve, not only to command. When I ascended, the past Hedas, Commanders, were literally placed into my mind. All their memory, all their experience. I am more than me, I am them, and their devotion too.
[ No one outside of the others from her world know this much. There was some general talk about ascension in the dream they shared, but this is specific. The Flame is in her body, attached to her brain. This is sacred knowledge that she is sharing with Castiel, which makes her uneasy, but she trusts him. And Lexa does not trust often. ]
I commune with them in meditation and they haven't liked what happened. They worry that I will forget my purpose, that I will choose sentiment over duty. They've already felt like I was straying by being here with Clarke and starting to care for some of you.
[ So it's distressing to be in her mind at the moment. It isn't just these memories she's combating, but the opinions of past Commanders. Not all of them are against it, but it's still a process. What used to calm her, meditating with them, now only makes her anxious. ]
Do you ever miss how it was before? When the lines were more clear, when the world was simpler but made more sense? Before Clarke and her people landed on our ground, we were starting a lasting peace. We were in the best condition we've ever been, and I had such clarity.