He is unaware of how you feel about him, I gathered that much. It is your life and your heart, but I would recommend you not assume what he desires simply from observation of his past. If I had done that with Clarke, I would think she only wanted men.
Everything. I cannot emphasize enough what the loss of me meant to my people. I created the coalition and peace, temporarily, between the clans. Once I was gone, my successors were murdered, the clans broke apart, and now I fear we are on the verge of extinction. Everything I had is lost, outside of Clarke. If I lose her, I will have nothing.
I see. Being rejected and losing her. Honestly I'm uncertain how it managed to work. Clarke and I have a lot of bad blood between us. We met when she was forced to kill her lover because of my decree.
Thankfully the doctor and I have no such bad blood; his best friend may dislike how I hem his pants but Julian, I believe, is satisfied.
That does not prevent me from believing that I will lose him if I tell him, however. And as I am not at a surplus of friends, losing him would be a grievous blow.
Heterosexual human men, in my observation, are not so free with their kindness to another man when they believe he may be into them. I wouldn't expect him to be rude, he's far too good a person for that, but there would be a distance that I would find unacceptable.
[Unbearable, heartbreaking, both more accurate and both too clear. He's being mostly honest on this front because it serves as cover for his spy lie, but there's a level of honesty that's entirely too far and those truths would be there.]
I think it is so ingrained in their culture it wouldn't occur to him not to pull back some. Your earth, despite its lack of contact with other species, seems more evolved than his in certain ways.
So in short, it's not that he is such a man as much as it is that I believe that is all he knows.
I cannot say I am without doubts on this being the right approach. But sentiment is a treacherous, often traitorous thing that leads to any number of disasters. I know better than to follow my heart.
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That does not prevent me from believing that I will lose him if I tell him, however. And as I am not at a surplus of friends, losing him would be a grievous blow.
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[Unbearable, heartbreaking, both more accurate and both too clear. He's being mostly honest on this front because it serves as cover for his spy lie, but there's a level of honesty that's entirely too far and those truths would be there.]
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[So they may be barbarians in some ways, but not all ways.]
You believe he would be such a man?
[How disappointing that would be.]
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So in short, it's not that he is such a man as much as it is that I believe that is all he knows.
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It was a lesson I was taught multiple times. Perhaps one day it will fully sink in. But fear not. I am not deprived of everything. I have his company.
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